You sound like a lost sheep to me, lost in the darkness of this sinful world.
If you commit suicide you'll burn for eternity in hell, escape is for the weak, you need to face your sins and the devil inside you and cast him out.
BEGONE DEVIL, LEAVE THIS CHILD ONCE AND FOR ALL.
I know that life is hard, and has probably had a lasting effect on your and your sanity, but that's no reason to indulge in ant-christian, anti-jesus, anti-good behavior, nor contemplate suicide or draw furry art.
With my help you can outrun that dark cloud looming over your head, and find the light.
Take my hand child, I will be your shepherd, in my cellar lies the answer to all your pleas.